Managing Expectation, Challenges and Reality in Building Healthy Relationship.
People say expectation ruins a relationship. But I tell you, expectation helps you determine your place in somebody’s life. Having expectation in a relationship is like setting a goal in your life or business. It is a driving force which motivates you and keeps the energy of the vision for either your relationship or your purpose.
Bruce Lee said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectation and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
However, I would say, although no one should expect that you live up to their expectation, but, the frequency at which your expectation of a person meets at equilibrium with their reality determines the compatibility of that relationship.
The problem in human relationships is not expectation and of course, you do not have to lower your expectation to accommodate anyone mediocrity. The problem is the motive or our inner feeling or the mind-set we already have about the other which is revealed when our expectation and their reality collide producing a result which we then react to. It is then our reaction that exposes our prior motive regardless of what we say.
Expectation is an essential ingredient in any relationship. It shapes the flow and tide the relationship takes. I want you to see expectation as a salt or pepper to be put in a soup. The salt or pepper is the expectation, and the pot of soup (quantity) is the reality. When the salt or pepper has been put in the soup, their collision automatically produces a result which is either a tasty soup or an over salted soup. When the soup is tasty, everyone will enjoy it and are happy, praising the cook. But the real test is when the result of the collision goes the other way. That is when the love the husband expresses for the wife is tested.
Our level of expectation builds from how highly or closely we hold a person to our life. We tend to have much higher expectation of people we bring closer to us as family, friends etc.
Unfortunately we are usually wrong in our judgement of these people because we do not understand first our place in their own lives. My brother once told me, “it’s not enough to say you’re in love with someone. You need to also be certain that they are in love with you too. Otherwise you will soon be suffering a heartbreak.” It is usually these misjudgements that create situations of disappointment. Ask yourself, will you be disappointed with a stranger you have nothing to do with?
•We expect that what is important to us should be important to people around us.
•Our timings to be in line with that of our friends.
•We expect that our values will match with those of allies.
•We expect that people will respond to or act as we expect .
But it is never these expectations rather it is our lack of giving them the benefit of the doubt considering we are not privy to all the back stories and challenges facing them. With genuine love in our heart, we would seek to understand why our friends have fallen short of our expectation rather than react in anger.
What we expect from life, people, our work, career etc gives an overall definition of who we are. We build our expectations from our own point of view, our experiences, beliefs. However, regardless of why and what we hold as our level of expectation in a situation, we also have to have at the back of our mind that we are dealing with human beings who are different, reacts differently, copes differently and sees the world also from their own perspective.
Tips for managing your expectations in relation with reality.
1.It’s good to hope for the best but also prepare for the worse. It is good to hope for a particular outcome, however you must leave room for eventualities. Do not force it and avoid being overrun by negativities and worrying.
2.Regardless of your expectation of people, be open to the reactions you any get from them.
3.Be your own cheerleader. Do not base your feelings, self-worth and confidence on how people react towards you.
4.Avoid people whose values and life perspective are in parallel line with yours.
5.Be truthful in a relationship. Say exactly what you mean and mean it.
6.Learn to say No and have no need to explain yourself.
Do you have any other ways you manage your expectations to avoid ruining your happiness when reality sets in? Share with us, tweet me @Fauntee